Porn and Tanks
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Audio Recording by George Hahn
I moved to London six months ago. Within two weeks a fortnight the Queen died, the pound crashed, and a head of lettuce outlasted the new prime minister. Since then, I’m more struck by the similarities, vs. the differences, between New York and London. One clear distinction though: Royalty. Or more specifically, the nation’s tortured relationship with its monarchy.
Until the 20th century, monarchies were the most popular form of government. They ranged in political authority, from symbolic (constitutional monarchy) to autocratic (absolute monarchy). Hands down, the most awesome thing about monarchies were the titles: emperor, empress, king, queen, raja, khan, tsar, sultan, shah, pharaoh. I asked my youngest over breakfast if he’d mind, from this point forward, referring to me as “Khan of Marylebone.” He seemed open to it.
Besides the cool titles, however, dressing people up in crowns, gold, and silk because of who their parents were is weird. And, unsurprisingly, it makes them weird, too. Today, monarchies the world over are a museum of troubled people. While he was crown prince, the current King of Thailand appointed his pet poodle Fufu to the position of Air Chief Marshal. Princess Märtha Louise of Norway claims she can communicate with animals and angels; her celebrity shaman fiancé, who believes cancer is a choice, likely concurs. Juan Carlos I of Spain fled to Abu Dhabi after cashing $100 million in fraudulent checks. Prince Andrew is (fill in the blank).
It’s no surprise that the institution is ailing. The hereditary nature of monarchies is their most glaring comorbidity. I can prove to each of us that 99% of our children are not in the top 1%. Just as my TV career has weakened and/or killed four streaming networks (CNN+, Bloomberg Quicktakes, Vice, BBC+), an actress from the USA network may be the pathogen that kills monarchies … everywhere. Although, as the internet has pointed out, Meghan should be credited with achieving what we all aspire to accomplish: convincing our spouse their family is awful.
In today’s media landscape, where there is friction there is attention that can be monetized. Netflix paid the couple $100 million dollars to tell the tale of how a woman in her late thirties saved a prince from the horrors of Buckingham Palace. Netflix was on the better side of this deal: The show racked up 82 million viewing hours in its first week. Harry’s book, meanwhile, sold more copies in its first week than any non-Harry Potter title in history.
Worship
As a species, we can’t choose whether we worship — it’s built into us. However, we can choose what we worship. America doesn’t have royalty, so we make do with Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. Same thing, without the crowns and community center openings. People who are famous for being famous, who have no real authority or evident talent, except an ability to capture attention and monetize it, a skill often rooted in shamelessness and an insatiable need for attention that sparks their outrageous actions/statements. Social media’s algorithms elevate the theatrics, bringing more attention to monetize, incentivizing increasingly outrageous behavior, and the wheel spins. There’s a word for this. 
The “porn” cycle is why, in my view, Donald Trump was elected president and Elon Musk was, at one time, the wealthiest man in the world. Both brought a form of talent, genius in the case of Musk. But their embrace of a new medium and their knack for outrageousness and/or shamelessness built them the best brands in politics and business (for a few lettuce lifetimes, anyway). Somewhere between 49% and 51% of branding boils down to one thing: awareness (see above: famous for being famous). Harry and Meghan were willing to go where no other royals would — Royal Family dysfunction porn. The key is to be first — their antics are titillating because we haven’t seen this much detail before. Just as celebrity sex videos no longer launch careers, the book advance Bhutan’s Prince Jigme Namgyel Wangchuck would receive for a tome of shitposting his family has likely dropped dramatically.
You Had One Job
Ever since the Royals lost the power to govern (and frequently when they had it), the job has been to be a figurehead: Be polite, stand up for what’s right, make Britain look good, don’t say what you really think — and especially, use discretion regarding family dysfunction. Newsflash: Everyone’s family is dysfunctional, and it rarely helps to go public with the really awful stuff. Sure, dad’s affair makes for interesting conversation at Thanksgiving, but it’s likely to make the next several hundred dinners less pleasant. Shitposting your family to strangers is unnatural and destructive. For royals, discretion is more than a responsibility — it’s the entire job. The House of Windsor brand is a function of what some exceptional servants (the monarchs) have done for the past century, but it’s mostly about what the rest of the family hasn’t done.
Endangered
Prediction: We’ll never stop obsessing over celebrities, but the living anachronism of the modern monarchy won’t survive this generation. Harry & Meghan are not the first royal scandal, but they are a variant the monarchy does not have immunities for: an attractive Duke and Duchess driving Porsches to Soho House who are — at their core — porn stars.
As we’ve written about before, power is a psychological intoxicant. Any system that guarantees individuals power based on their bloodline is bound to fail — because eventually, you’re going to get a bad king/queen/prince/actress. We’re witnessing this in real time. Monarchies passed their expiration date a century ago. The grace of Queen Elizabeth was royalty’s (formidable) last line of defense. What Marx said about capitalism, that a system based on self-interest would collapse under its weight, is playing out in the Houses of Windsor and Soho.
Distraction
Last week’s news about the monarchy reminds us how irrelevant they’ve become. France realized this centuries ago and separated its monarchs from their head(s), while the U.K. (more elegantly) subordinated the monarchy into a PR function. As the weapon of mass distraction that is H&M captures our gaze, more meaningful things are happening in Britain. Specifically, a government led by the democratically elected son of Indian immigrants has made an important decision.
Tanks
This past Saturday, Prime Minister Rishi Sunak announced the U.K. is sending 14 battle tanks and 30 artillery guns to Ukraine. The U.S. has been the most prolific supporter of Ukraine thus far, contributing more military aid than every other country combined. There have been clear limits on the type of aid we’ll provide — defensive weapons, ammunition, nothing that might indicate we are in something more than a proxy war. If that sounds stupid, trust your instincts. Ian Bremmer has correctly stated that NATO is essentially at war with Russia. 
The U.K.’s act is meaningful both symbolically and militarily. Fit with a 55-caliber, 47-round L30A1 tank gun, two hatch machine-guns, and a 26-liter V12 diesel engine, the Challenger 2 is one of the most formidable tanks in Britain’s (or anybody else’s) fleet. The AS-90 is a self-propelled howitzer that can fire 6 rounds per minute nearly 20 miles. Mr. Sunak sent these at real cost — the Army’s top general stated this will significantly weaken the country’s own armed forces. The U.K. also believes, however, that this serves its interest in protecting its people — to fight against tyranny, wherever and whenever it crops up.
Repeats vs. Rhymes
They say that history doesn’t repeat itself, but it rhymes. Isn’t it, in fact, repeating itself? A murderous autocrat invades Europe, the West aims to avoid direct confrontation with an enemy that targets civilian centers, and the allies are drawn into a war incrementally … only to realize later their recalcitrance made things worse. The Challengers will make a difference. They’ll likely inspire Germany to send its equally impressive Leopard tanks and help Ukrainian defenses inflict further damage on Russian forces, inspiring more aid to Ukraine.
Democracy
The need to protect democracy, the antithesis of monarchy, has never been more urgent. In the past few years we’ve witnessed democracies across the globe come under attack. There is a great deal to be hopeful about, though. Specifically: As a tyrant pushes his own people across borders into gunfire, much as another did 80 years ago, Western democracies are unifying.
The West’s response to Russia’s invasion is a historic achievement. Within hours of Putin’s tanks pouring over into Ukraine on February 24, NATO mobilized a military response. Germany, whose military policy for the past six decades has been don’t, immediately shipped Ukraine 1,000 anti-tank rockets and 3,000 small missiles. Even our financial institutions united, issuing sanctions designed to choke Russia’s central bank. Almost 12 months later, we remain resolute in our fight against Putin.
Harry and Meghan weakened monarchies last week. However, this is folly compared to the leadership Britain demonstrated this week. Porn is titillating, tanks are profound.
Life is so rich,
P.S. My Brand Strategy Sprint is back in mid-February. Watch the first lesson here, then become a member to take the full course. If you sign up by the end of January, you’ll get 25% off (see code here).
The Queen served a purpose that may be difficult for an American to understand. Stability of the nation over time, while above and beyond politics. A positive message and hope for the nation. Do you think we should get rid of the Pope ? It is like “Uncle Sam”, or G.Washington in real life, forever. Imagine if Washington was still alive, cared only for the citizens, and above the politics. Too bad for you Yanks.
Love your writing style, but rather like another Scott, Scott Adams, I fear your analytical skills seem to go missing when you step outside of the US, where frankly everything could have come straight from a State Department Press release.
Sunak was not elected (as others have pointed out), while the Royals have a far more complex relationship with the British people than you assume. One way of looking at it is that the US culture has evolved to one that rewards Narcissism and indeed appears to have become dominated by creatures with borderline if not actual full blown NPD. This extends to the Foreign Policy establishment (the same people regardless of whoever is notionally President) with their endless wars, destruction, coups, color revolutions etc are all done in the name of Freedom and Democracy but which to any outside of the US and the Politicians in the five eyes bubble stink of hypocrisy, greed and malice.
Heh — I happened to be at college with the Bhutanese ‘spare’. There would be some crazy good stuff in that book too.
Monarchy is still more relevant today than this tired lie of “war for democracy”
Hi Scott. I’m a first generation Canadian of Dutch heritage. So why, you might ask, would I have any kind thoughts for the British monarchy? Simple. Because this monarchy must be considered in the context of the British parliamentary system. The monarchy serves the simple role of being the Head of State. As such, although they wield no real power, they stand as the symbol of the nation. Because modern constitutional monarchs are generally quite pleasant, nobody really hates them. When the monarch comes in to deliver the Speech From The Throne, written of course by the Government of the day, it’s a formal but mostly friendly and symbolic performance of the opening of the parliamentary session. Contrast that with the State of the Union Speech delivered by the US head of state, the President, whom approximately one half the population can’t stand, even hates.
If Britain, and Canada, didn’t have a monarchy then who would fulfill that function? Anyone elected would have to go through a political process that just invites divisiveness and ill-will from a substantial portion of the population. The hereditary nature of monarchies puts in place someone who can be expected to remain above the fray from one administration to the next, from one generation to the next.
here here !
Germany will not send tanks.
Germany is sending tanks
Your view may be modern but it’s also rather American and continues the fallacy that the top person needs to be powerful, for example an Emperor (in Roman days) or a president. Whatever the weaknesses of the British system, the fact is that an idiot PM was dispensed of in weeks whereas the world had to suffer with Trump for several years, and the American system of the White House and Congress being at loggerheads is hardly smooth governing.
Whereas the monarchy fit in? They occupy the top position but have almost no power except for one extremely important power: they can call an election. I think the British system is going to outlast many others because for all of the mad clown idiocy that several of their members often represent, their position stops anyone else in the country from having supreme power.
Having said all that, to be fair to your point it should be said countries such as Italy and Germany have presidents with no legislating power other than to appoint or dismiss the Prime Minister/Chancellor.
Mr Galloway , A good take on royalty , branding , Harry and Megan. Your understanding that NATO is a function of the US military is right on. My concern is that no one seems to care or understand why Putin made the great error for both Ukraine and Russia of invading Ukraine. As someone devoted to the seemingly unfashionable doctine of non-violence , I question whether the western powers are trying to give Putin a way out of the corner he has created for himself and his land. I believe that when the wall was torn down, that Russia wanted to transfer from a military power to an economic , scientific , educational ,cutural power , but that this transformation was not recognized , believed or aided by the western powers. I question whether it is intelligent to aim for regime change in Russia.
As always, lots to consider. Perhaps you can widen the circle – just as in the U.K. there are many, many people who are not from the House of Windsor who have their titles and riches as a result of to whom they were born, the same is true across the U.S.A. Lukas Walton, who controls ~$25B, comes to mind. As do the Trumps Donald, Jr, Ivana, and Eric, as well as Hunter Biden.
Prof – it’d be great if you record these posts. Your voice is a big part of your brand.
As always spot on
Lots of points of interest this week. The one thing of note – re: H&M. You forget that they are real human beings, with real experiences and real feelings. Assuming there is some truth in their experience , where’s the compassion for their humanity? It’s not a character flaw to be born a royal or be born into wealth or to achieve fame. Too much judgement on that can be just of bad. Just sayin’
Dear Mr. Galloway
I enjoy your perspective on life and how fortunate we are with your weekly prodcast and you definitely chose the proper articulation in George Hahn to deliver your words. Having said this this week’s podcast was uplifting in the spirit of unity among the world leaders to combat tyranny but somehow I believe that you could have woven into the podcast your humor on the offer and delivery of the 5000 protective helmets to the Ukraine from Germany. This was the first called weapons shipped from Germany to the Ukraine. The memes of this rank high with the lettuce head of England.
Dude hasn’t even been England a year and is now an expert on the place.
Spot on! Coincidentally, I’m reading The Splendid and the Vile and, yeah, history repeats itself. As for H & M (gag reflex), what a pair of whiny, ungrateful nincompoops. But they do add a vacuous counterpoint to what’s really important.
Great article. The royals may be an entertaining distraction but this helps crystalline what’s really important.
Harry & Megan are not porn, sir I detest your comparison. I now look upon your posts/articles/porn in a new ugly light. After your article several months ago about losing your dog, I thought of you not as a greedy salesman, but as a human being…you have proven me wrong
Good column – but Sunak was not “democratically elected” – he was selected by the eligible voters of the Conservative Party, not the country as a whole.
And the UK doesn’t “democratically elect” their PM’s anyway.
I have long felt that the UK monarchy was past its sell-by date which is unusual for Brit. The Queen was so dignified that somehow it managed to keep this subject under wraps. Now that she is no longer with us, hopefully we can all move on from the monarchy as none of them seem capable of bringing the necessary gravitas to the job.
Funny how you are happy for the likes of Jeff Bezos to ride roughshod over his 1,468,000 staff, working them into the ground, and to reap the rewards of his unbridled greed.
But a monarch who has arrived in a position after near 1,000 years and spends the bulk of their time in public service should be dispensed with.
Sorry, but I take our monarch over your oligarchs any day.
You forgot to mention that Eastern European states (mostly Poland) have already provided Ukraine with 300 or so main battle tanks. Mentioning Germany in this context is a joke.
I think that Scott has (uncharacteristically) missed the point here. The monarchy is a unifying force in the UK, allowing us to be loyal to the Head of State while (if we choose) protesting against the government. That option is not available to an American, or a Frenchman. And the fact that the King is Head of State denies that office to anyone else – say, a demagogue ambitious for power. For a Briton like me, the monarchy is a valuable part of the constitution, connecting us to history, binding us together. And individual royals do astonishing amounts of good work, unpublicised and in unfashionable parts of the UK and the world. The positive effect a royal visit has to a school, a hospital or a small local charity has to be seen to be believed. The people they see and talk to feel a little bit special, and remember the experience for years. Do you know how many acres of flowers were sent or brought to London by grieving citizens, when the Queen died? Scott, the monarchy is a popular and effective institution.
Couldn’t agree more.
“Shitposting” brilliiant !!!!
Probably one of your best posts.
For nearly three-quarters of a century, Queen Elizabeth provided the British people with a leader around whom the nation could unite. King Charles, who despite his failed marriage to Diana Spencer, has been a thoughtful advocate for conservation. He’s a smart man who understands his (limited but important) role as monarch. England has been fortunate not to be threatened by invasion since the end of World War II, but if Ukraine’s war with Russia escalates, and England and NATO are drawn into a larger conflict, King Charles will be available as a figure for the nation to rally around, as his grandfather and great grandfather were in previous wars.
Who in America can our nation unify around the way Great Britain does its Queen or King in times of national crisis?
Professor, this might be the best email you have ever written.
Go grab yourself a Hendricks and tonic!
The porn metaphor doesn’t add much to the well-worn topic of monarchical obsolescence.
In one very real sense, the British monarchy is vastly better, as an object that satisfies Scott’s presumed “need to worship,” than Kim Kardashian or any of a thousand TikTok celebrities. Having a non-politician at the “head” of state—especially a symbolic head with no real power—may have some advantages you haven’t fully considered. For nearly three-quarters of a century, Queen Elizabeth provided the British people with a leader around whom the nation could unite. What American leader would the entire nation mourn, as Britain mourned Elizabeth, if he or she were to die tomorrow? Not Joe Biden. Not Donald Trump. Not Barack Obama. Not George Bush. Not Bill Clinton. Not even Steph Curry or LeBron James or Patrick Mahones.
Who in America can our nation unify around the way Great Britain does its Queen or King in times of national crisis?
Yes! I always enjoy Scott’s erudite articles, but I wonder if he doesn’t (yet) appreciate the deep place monarchy has in the British psyche, as both a link to history and tradition, and a symbol and component part of Britain’s unique self balancing political system. We forgive the irrationality of monarchy and its indiscretions because we value these intangibles, and feel deep down that it plays a role in maintaining equilibrium and preventing scenes such as those seen on January 6, 2021 from happening here.
Yes, exactly.
Perhaps Scott should spend a little longer in the UK to better understand the relationship the British have with their monarchy before passing comment.
What is our alternative? End up with an elected leader like Trump, no thank you…
Hi Scott, all families can be awful. But racist families should always be publicly shamed.
Including yours?
Great selection of words as always. It’s a shame that some feel the only way to make money to live in a style they believe they deserve is to bash their family. Obviously, they consider it their right to do as they please so that they may have the ability to live as they please, after all it is the birth right to do so. The Royals play an important role in the Kingdom and participate in many important social events that help a lot of the people around the world.
As for Russia, democracy or not necessarily being protected, it is lives that matter and attacking those unable to protect themselves against those attacking with no military objective other than fear, should not be tolerated. Thank you for telling it how it is.
Permission to shout Bravo !
I agree with prior comment: your porn metaphor is stretched to the point that words have no meaning. H&M may be lots of things silly and scintillating, but they are not “at their core” porn stars. Porn means sex and eroticism. The word derives from “prostitute”. I love your commentary, so I apologize for playing Language Cop 😉
Look forward to your newsletter every week. I’d love it if you took on this subject: is the USA a Democracy today or a Plutocracy?
As far as those tanks, that will be a logistical nightmare that may even contribute to the end of this stupid conflict. The large British and American tanks require six months of training just to get near a combat readiness, more like a year. They weigh over forty tons, are very expensive, and need a team for maintenance and refueling is ridiculous. Another over engineered war toy that has no practical use in a war like this. Like our trillion dollar bombers and fighters jets that will be shot down in droves, if used.
Hey, maybe we can kill Russia with sanctions. Yeah, that’ll work.
Rushi Sunak is a democratically elected MP but was the only candidate to put their name forward to replace Lettuce Truss. So he was appointed PM, rather than elected. His commitment to an independent Ukraine is admirable and should be matched by others.
Scott – Love your posts/emails! I think you overlooked one of the most deleterious effects of monarchy. The notion of “sovereign immunity.” Unfortunately, the Royals of Brittan still largely enjoy the “privilege” and it has carried over into American law in an absolutely disastrous manner – we cannot properly hold police accountable b/c the United States Supreme Court has continuously expanded the scope of “qualified immunity” here (over version of sovereign immunity). Moreover our government frequently invokes the doctrine of sovereign immunity to act unconstitutionally (torture, illegal spying on US citizens for example). We are long overdue to shake off any notions of monarchy – especially as AMERICANS!!
Sad to see you’re on the whatever it takes and we will fight to the last Ukranian warmingering side. I expected better. So easy for Americans who are all warm and overfed cheer the destruction of a country and society, pass the chips. It’s like a movie or video game, and then we put down the remote or controller and surf real porn.
“The need to protect democracy, the antithesis of monarchy, has never been more urgent.”
What democracy? Zelensky has outlawed all opposition parties and shut down all media that doesn’t just send out his propaganda. He has even started sending goon squads into Orthodox churches and monasteries, actually threatening a millenium old religion. The Russian language is outlawed in western Ukraine. This is a democracy to defend? The most corrupt country in Europe?
And
So what’s your solution? Peace and love?
I think you rushed the metaphor and the ending. The porn metaphor isn’t right. Titillating and profound don’t bring together tanks and porn. Not sure how “folly” fits.
Otherwise, the perspective on Ukraine and the UK was really welcome.
Thanks, Scott- watching the news related to this war breeds hopelessness related to the most painful viewing of inhumanity. More violence and death seems to be the only hope for ending it, as negotiation is impossible with a madman. Your commentary gave me a short moment of hope that democracy with all its flaws is still a uniting force for good and will eventually overcome Putin’s evil. Appreciate Your POV
Great read, but your depiction of the Challenger MBT is inaccurate. It utilizes a rifled 120mm main gun. It’s a formidable tank indeed.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Challenger_2
Tanks, Scott. I am porn again.
PJ Olsen’s (darker half)
Scott, another really fine piece, thank you. I am in the early sections of my #1 Xmas present – Adrift. It is just excellent also. After the first week of our major quasi-46th wedding anniversary European trip in 2012 spent in London, as we moved on towards Paris and eventually Rome, I said to my dear lady, “I am totally sick of Royal, Royal, Royal……..”. She replied, “You will get over it dear and gently patted my hand.” Wrote a short piece after that trip titled “Races, Religion and Royals”. I think I will revist that article. All the very best Scott. Fred
Rishi, democratically elected? Well if it’s only Conservative MPs votes that count then yes.
Interesting that the other non Harry Potter book porn in your chart are all autobiographies of US presidents and their wives…all Democrats. Not sure what that means. Personally, I’d love to see something from Melania.
I’ve always enjoyed your “Life is so rich” closing. All I can say regarding this post is you’ve helped me understand why! I think you’ve helped clarify the reality of the insanity that the world is experiencing at this time in our lives. Thank you!
Brilliant Scott. I am 60 – effing – 4 and the only son of of hard working Scottish immigrants to Canada who gave me the opportunity of a lifetime just by embracing life beyond natural Fife roots.
My respect and gratitude to the son of immigrants new PM with the balls to do what he did. Immigration can and always will lead to progress. Why the US right doesn’t value it – despite it being the reason why they are even there to feel that way – is just one more reason why they are in trouble and in democracy decay.
Why I didn’t find you and your writing elegance in the previous 63 years just sucks. I am catching up Scott and thanks for being so far ahead.
It’s unfortunate that Rishi Sunak’s colleagues around the cabinet table appear to be so anti-immigration, not to mention their indefensible plan to fly asylum seekers to Rwanda.
Brilliant, Scott, thank you. Mr. Putin has also engaged in a kind of pornography. On a related manner, it is only a matter of time before NATO/Americano boots are on the ground in the Ukraine Invasionary War. Call is war-creep if you will but it’s coming. In the lead up to the Vietnam War, American involvement consisted of only military advisors giving way eventually to 500,000 troops in the battle theatre. See me at … hereandnowblog.com
Well said Sir.
I would also add the comments from twelve past UK PM’s about the value of the audiences with the Queen. How sobering and reassuring for UK citizens when their political leader has to explain things to when you are so powerful! I’m sure King Charles will continue this hidden role.
David
Segmentedworldperspective.substack.com
Great stuff as always! Given that democracy is good and the desire for greater equality among the populace is good, then would not hanging on to the monarchy be a tell that UK is not really all in on this democracy/equality thing and that class is still worth holding on to? My response: Hooray for H&M.
Speaking of absolute, this article is absolute nonsense. Speaking to Putins deeds while NATO has been forcing this confrontation, while the puppet in Ukraine is a cabl/WEF serving wretch that has in fact been killing Russians within the borders of Ukraine, and lastly…the Bidens and their massive money laundering scheme that is “Ukraine” . Stop with this garbage, and while the WEF is trying their best to buy every govt, I submit that NO democracy exists on the globe as long as there are humans who will sell out humanity for a buck.
America is not a democracy. A nation that responds 96% to the will of capital and 4% to the will of the people is in not a democracy. It is an aristocracy of the Capitalists.
Ameica is a republic!
Nice one Scott. But I believe you underestimate the depth of fondness the majority of Brits have for their royal house. H&M’s antics now mostly strengthen that support…
I was thinking the same while reading this. Those crowds were pretty thick when the Queen died, even in Edinburgh, however, it could have been for Her more than the monarch.
You, sir, are such a good writer. This is one of my favorites, drawing together two separate, relevant narratives with a depth and insight that is uniquely yours. Well done!