Origin Story
I’m in L.A., and it’s been an emotional week — on several dimensions. Many of my closest friends are celebrating our 50th. It’s wonderful. Any competitiveness, jealousy, or other petty bullshit has melted away. All that’s left is collective joy at our friendships, and adult children to boast about and cap our accomplishments. On the other end of the spectrum, my dad, who’s 94, is struggling and no longer recognizes me. I knew it was coming but still wasn’t prepared. All these emotions are colliding and reminding me that much/most of the joy/tragedy in our lives is not in our control. This is difficult for humans to accept, so we create an origin story.
Originally posted in early 2023.
Every one of us has an origin story: We define ourselves by our background, the narrative of what made us who we are. However, people often don’t let the truth get in the way of a good story, and the narrative of “I” is often that, a story.
James Frey found no takers for his novel, so he repackaged it as a memoir, his story, which became the No. 1 bestseller A Million Little Pieces. Biographies and memoirs are America’s second-favorite book genre. Ronald Reagan tried to curry favor with Israeli leaders with a story about how he helped liberate Nazi death camps in WWII. He didn’t — did his military service in Hollywood. Fabricated military service is apparently so common that Congress passed a law against it.
People embellish their origin stories, as it’s the only thing others have to go on — from potential employers and friends to potential mates. We are the product of our circumstances, personally and professionally, and a good origin story confers meaning to our life and career. We should recognize that and embrace it … but also be honest about it.
Self-Made? No Such Thing
The most important factor in determining a person’s future is when and where they are born. Each of us, born into any other situation, would experience a different outcome. Just as the market trumps individual performance, so does circumstance. I likely wouldn’t be an entrepreneur or an academic had I been born in South Sudan. If I’d been born in 1920s Germany, I’d likely have been a Nazi who perished on a Russian field.
This isn’t just true across continents and centuries — it’s also evident at a micro level. Being born one year earlier or later can make a big difference. People who graduate into a recession earn less for 10 to 15 years than those who graduate amid prosperity. Fate also changes block to block: One of the strongest signals of life expectancy (and much else) is the ZIP code where you’re born. Within the same city, life expectancy can vary by 30 years based on ZIP code. Meanwhile, an American female whose parents rank in the bottom decile of earners has a 3 in 10 chance of giving birth as a teenager. For daughters in the top decile, it’s 3 in 100.
This all confirms a basic point: The cards you’re dealt matter … a lot. Your income is the clearest indicator of how much money your kid will make when they’re 30. Churn is increasingly a rare earth element in the U.S. Per a Georgetown analysis, “It’s better to be born rich than smart … The most talented disadvantaged children have a lower chance of academic and early career success than the least talented affluent children.”
However, the people dealt the best cards can’t see their hands. The myth of the “self-made man” is rife among U.S. citizens who’ve never faced a draft or registered a devaluation in their currency — people who are remora fish on investments made by the U.S. government. Tech has raised a cohort of people who simultaneously credit their character for their success and blame a rigged market for their failures. The real cage match in tech is entitlement vs. empathy. The former is winning, and that results in a staggering accumulation of power that’s amoral, focused only on the aggregation of more power regardless of what happens to people with less. (Side note: I hope they beat the shit out of each other. Is that wrong?)
iStory
Until 40, my story was that I was the son of a single immigrant mother who lived and died a secretary. I overcame those humble beginnings to achieve significant success because, you know, I’m awesome. After 40, my eyesight began to wane, but I could see clearer: I was born a straight white male in 1960s California, which gave me state-sponsored access to elite universities. UCLA had an acceptance rate of 76% when I applied — this year it’s less than 9%. Later, Berkeley admitted me to its MBA program with a GPA of (no joke) 2.27 from UCLA. Total tuition for all seven years? $8,000. I came of professional age in an era of processing power and the internet. I lived in San Francisco, where, in the decade of the nineties, more wealth was created within a 7-mile radius than in all of Europe since WWII.
I was given a rocket ship, built by others. To be clear, I’m talented and navigated my ship well … but I wasn’t going to soar without the sacrifice and talent of millions of others. The ship blew up several times, but I survived, and there were other vessels waiting. “Luck” doesn’t begin to describe my situation. My freshman college roommate, born gay, took his own life at 33 when his HIV progressed to full-blown AIDS. Two decades later, I’m in Los Angeles with friends finding a quiet place to FaceTime my boys and guide them through abridged Crossfit workouts.
Like others, I have faced hardship (an absent father) and tragedy (lost my mom early). But each of these losses has played a role in my good fortune. I make my living communicating, and much of this skill isn’t the result of my own hard work. My dad can captivate any room, and even though he wasn’t around much, I inherited some of his ability. My mom’s sickness, and our inability to access good care, was a hugely motivating, defining event for me. I saw the rough cut of the American story and decided to get my shit together in hopes of living a richer life and garnering the resources to take better care of the people who mattered to me. Capitalism is brutal — and motivating. Lately, the balance has swung too far to the former. But that’s another post.
Coming Home
Supposedly, each of us contains bits of every material present at the dawn of the universe. It makes sense — at least the morning after eating mushroom chocolates — that our matter will also be present in galaxies/stars/planets/organisms birthed trillions of years from now. Our stories may or may not make the journey, but the emotions they inspire will become instinct, then DNA, and this matter will disperse. So the question is, distinct from the story you and others tell about yourself, how do you make people feel? When people come in contact with you, do they feel insecure or inspired? Do you leave people cold or comforted? Do you bring joy, harmony, love?
I’m in a deficit here — I’ve taken more than I’ve given. I have a debt to pay. I’ve started with my boys and am working outward from there. Still time. It’s a comforting thought, that bits of us will live on and arrive at distant places trillions of years from now. We all have our longest journey still ahead of us. When you get there, when you show up, what will be felt? Distinct from your origin story, what was your real journey? There’s only one real journey that matters: Who did you love, and who loved you?
Life is so rich,
P.S. This week I spoke with Dr. Marty Makary about the issue of overmedication, weight loss drugs, and the food industrial complex. Listen on Apple or Spotify
P.P.S. The Section team just re-ran their AI Proficiency Report with 5k knowledge workers. They found that most of the workforce has AI anxiety, but that number goes down as they get more proficient. COO Taylor Malmsheimer is walking through the results in a free event on 10/23. RSVP.
Please send me your articles , thank you!
From one SG to another (Fairburn 1976) You hit the nail on the head! Keep up the good work.
We (me and my wife) listened to this with my 17 year old daughter. I asked what’s her takeaway. She understood everything but says.
1. I want mushroom chocolatey
2. I know we can afford it
🙈😂
“There but for the grace of God go I”, John Bradford.
Thank you for sharing. Straight from the heart.
Thank you Scott. If there is an antidote to American malaise, it’s more of the kind of stuff you describe. It seems to me there was once a President who said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.”
Your comment about Ronald Reagan’s service do not take into consideration he was involved in producing training and propaganda films. Some of the footage he processed included scenes from the liberation of the camps, To insinuate that Ronald Reagan “Fabricated military service” is not true. You do not need to criticize a former president’s service to make your points. It just shows your biases.
Wonderful thoughts and commentary as always. My view incorporates a Christian perspective: God designed us to behave in certain ‘hardwired’ ways, the first of which is that we born without a moral code – no innate sense of ‘right and wrong’. Interesting you include that, under one scenario, you could well have wound up a dead Nazi on some Russian battlefield. I agree that, while we control very little of circumstance and what happens to us in life, it is our RESPONSE to what comes at us that determines our fate and livelihood. I studied this subject area for several years, and (along with my Christian mens’ group) published a book earlier this year titled “Because I Made You That Way, the Remarkable Gift of Focus”. In it, I contend that guys are hard-wired to eventually and ultimately recognize the hand of a divine creator….but what we DO with that epiphany is entirely up to us. Our unique and particular gifts are of little value until/unless we recognize our divine purpose. Amos Dolbear authored a great quote in this regard: “If you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it may live its entire life believing that it is stupid”. Recognizing your PURPOSE rather than responding to random circumstance is a great comfort!
Scott – I love reading your posts and listening to your pods, but I am not quite sure why you keep saying you’re turning 50 this year when you are in fact turning 60. It would be one thing to write 50, and then correct yourself, but you don’t do that. Given that you call bs on so many people (who deserve it), you can’t have your cake and eat it to.
I like to sit in a room full of people and truly take in the reality that we share the material of long dead stars, that our atoms are crossing paths once more. And will again. It’s a humbling, centering thought, amidst the primate competition, social signaling and cacophony.
I am sorry that your Dad no longer recognizes you. I hope you will be OK.
I like to sit in a room full of people and truly take in the reality that we share the material of long dead stars, that our atoms are crossing paths once more. And will again. It’s a humbling, centering thought, amidst the primate competition, social signaling and cacophony.
Life outcomes are a complicated mix of luck, skill, and character traits. I get nervous when luck is overemphasized. It can be used to justify ever-higher taxes on successful people.
Have you ever heard the hypnotherapists’ origin story? Their foul profession began with the rapist cult known as Mesmerists. They used the techniques of hypnosis to have their way with women and get away with it afterward. Not a good group of founders for a profession.
It’s shameful that hypnotherapists are allowed to practice legally in many countries, given their origin story.
At least Belgium outlaws them, and Israel regulates them.
A bit more hypnotherapists’ backstory, from CBS News: Michigan hypnotherapist John Tomlinson is going to jail for at least 15 years for a string of sexual assaults of female patients.
Hypnotherapists have an ethics code that says it’s wrong, but they don’t exactly have any way to police it, and I can say firsthand that it’s difficult to find that avenue when you’re under hypnosis. I can also say firsthand that people don’t care when a hypnotherapist is harming someone under hypnosis.
I hope someone’s starting to realize that hypnotherapy has no place in our society.
Your post resonates with my own experience. I also find myself (64 yrs old) starting more and more to engage in more introspection, and thinking about how I can finish this life well. I’ve had some good examples in my extended family to follow, and I think you’re hitting the nail on the head. We were gifted with many blessings, and rather than squandering that opportunity, it’s time to pay it forward. That will look different for each person, but it will be a Good Thing to share, in some way, the gifts we’ve been given. Count it as yet another privilege, not a penance.
Every Saturday morning, after I get up, I read this post (I live in the Far East, so it is a nice morning read). Sometimes it moves me, and this one did. Memorably, I saw the line how “do you make people feel?” This got me thinking as I am sure like everyone, I have been both good and bad, hopefully bad to a lesser degree. But for the last few years, I have tried to be better, and this post really explains why. We should always make people feel good when they meet you. That should be the aspiration of every single day.
First, don’t just help your children first, at the same time do good for others. Find an honest to good nonprofit that’s helping others and if you’re interesting in helping those born into less privileged circumstances go for it. It could be a local Boys & Girls Club, FIRST ROBOTICS team, Tribute to Valor Foundation etc. That will inspire your children to grow up doing something good for others.Then since you wrote that had you been born at a different time and location you might have been a Nazi, support a group that is educating Americans and fighting Antisemitism.
Scott – you are a 60-year-old man. EMBRACE IT! You are healthy, impactful, and engaged in ways that matter. You (and this 63-year-old) are models of what a robust 60+ MAN (provider & protector) can be. Be well. Joe
Scott, I was sent this beautiful post from my son-in-law. Thank you for this powerfully thoughtful, sensitive and introspective post. I just finished reading the book Just this Summer and they seem entwined with depth and reflection and insight. Or I connected them myself. Both powerfully moving. Thank you.
I’ve read quite some posts the last months on the danger of a new Civil War, whoever becomes President. If T he will go so far a lot of people (the majority without a doubt) will not take it after a while, if KH T will do anything to get the war going. True? Is it that far? The Economist just started a series on the “Trumpication” of American Politics, be it Republicans or Democrats. T remade the US if we like it or not. Question is how long will it take to get normal again and will (see above) a CW happen?
We went to UCLA together – frequently crossed paths via the Greek system – and I greatly enjoy your writings. Some resonate deeply, others I disagree with, but they are always appreciated. One small thing: didn’t you mean to say your friends are celebrating their 60th? I know I’m not 9 years older than you all!
I’ve been waiting for you to repost this since I heard your really bad take on the illegal Israeli occupation of Palestine.
Imagine your origin story being born a child in Gaza 10 years ago, you would most likely be dead by now, killed by the apartheid-zionist regime you so strongly support.
Imagine being murdered over someone else’s made-up origin story.
You say nothing in your story about the mother of your children (I assume you are divorced and yet she has affected your life) nor any mention of your Jewish roots which may have added to your smarts. You have left out two important parts of your 50 years.
Sooo good.
There’s one part of this that’s quite off base. That you’ve taken more than you’ve given.
That certainly was true when all of those investments/gifts were made from how your Mom raised you and UCLA and Berkeley educated you… but from teaching to your writing you’ve been able to multiply that payback many times over. You have given way more than you’ve taken. Keep doing it. It’s helping more people that you know. But that mindset of having a debt to pay, and ultimately one of gratitude, well it’s a heck of a motivator too.
Great point here
Scott, I’m a huge fan of the Pivot…. never miss a show and thoroughly enjoy your insights. But 50th?…… you meant 60th…. 😉
We are who we are, where we are, what’s available to us, and what we make of it.
Life is so rich when we’re honest about it. Hard work and luck helps.
Shana tova.
Excellent book -Chance and Circumstance: The Draft, the War, and the Vietnam Generation”.
We are not only statistics, but only delusional or those lying to themselves deny the importance of them.
Well stated Scott. Too few people are willing to “open their Kimonos” and show any imperfections, especially at the Executive C-level.
Scott…I’m a huge fan of yours!
NETWORKING!!!!…my ticket to success after 6 years teaching…I applied for a position out of education BECAUSE I WAS NOT MAKING ENOUGH MONEY…I applied for a position as a Regional Manager of Howard Johnson Hotels–never been a General Manager–there were 110 applications for this position running 66 hotels–I was chosen because I had the Ph.D. in Education…and they wanted someone to write the SOP MANUEL, as well as be the Regional Manager!…I was chosen…went on to spend 30 years in the hotel business and ended up as VICE PRESIDENT OF HOLIDAY INNS, INC….
Given a rocket ship, built by others… Story of the European diaspora in the Americas, Guns, Germs and Steel is real. Since 1492, please act accordingly. Moving forward and toward a more perfect union, there’s always been one race, Human.
UC Berkeley ’99
Your circumstances and the time you started your process indicates the changes young people face now .The university I attended like you I doubt I could get into .However our innate abilities ,drive,motivation ,life long learning capabilities ,luck are often the reasons for our successes. We all have to adapt and adjust to the times we find ourselves in